John Wellington Wells

February 15 2020
Today I have a topic that is not about 70’s Pop Culture, but I listened to this record in the 70s. I had a 78 record set of Pattersongs by Nelson Eddy. I wanted to read the Prologue to the song, but I could not find it online. I found on a scanned page on Wikisource. Since it was so hard to find I wanted to repost the Prologue or the Intro which is the spoken introduction to the song. I could remember this much and is what I had forgotten follows below.

The Sorcerer’s Song
The prologue from my memory:
“We have some very superior blessing too. We have only sold one since Christmas to a gentleman who bought it to send to his mother in law but it turned out he was afflicted in the head, and it has been returned on our hands. The sale of penny curses especially on Saturday Nights is tremendous. We can’t turn them out fast enough.”

Prologue to My Name is John Wellington Wells from The Sorcerer by Gilbert and Sullivan

Yes, sir; we practice necromancy in all its branches. We’ve a choice assortment of wishing caps, divining rods, amulets, charms, and countercharms. We can cast you a nativity at a low figure, and we have a horoscope at three and six that we can guarantee. Our Abudah chests, each containing a patent Hag, who comes out and prophesies disasters, with spring complete, are strongly recommended. Our Aladdin lamps are very chaste, and our Prophetic Tablets, foretelling everything from a change of ministry down to a rise in Turkish stock are much inquired for. Our penny curse one of the cheapest things in the trade is considered infallible. We have some very superior blessings, too, but they’re very little asked for. We’ve only sold one since Christmas to a gentleman who bought it to send to his mother in law but it turned out that he was afflicted in the head, and it’s been returned on our hands. But our sale of penny curses, especially on Saturday nights, is tremendous We can’t turn ’em out fast enough.

Sung: Oh, My name is John Wellington Wells, I’m a dealer in magic and spells, In blessings and curses, And ever filled purses, In prophecies, witches, and knells ! If you want a proud foe to “make tracks” If you’d melt a rich uncle in wax You’ve but to look in On our resident Djinn, Number seventy, Simmery Axe. (You can look up the rest very easily online)