Halloween The Trip
Thursday, October 31, 2019
Woodleaf wishes to visit a man who wrote to him offering to give him a combination of Nitrous Oxides and LSD which he called Gascide. The man who’s real name is a secret goes by the moniker Hopeless Confused on Reddit.
Hopeless has an apartment in Los Angeles County where he set up his Star Trek like command chair. From this chair Hopeless has set up a series of flashing strobe lights that synchronize in time to music. Hopeless insists that Woodleaf come to Southern California and sit next to him in the over sized command chair so they can take the drugs together. In this way Hopeless wants to walk Woodleaf through a way in which he is able to get in touch the spiritual world. The first step, explained Hopeless, is when you rise up and travel into the sky and burst through the clouds into another realm or dimension that could be the afterlife. Having one other person believe him which make a difference. Woodleaf only wants to take the free drugs.
Woodleaf decides he will tell his wife Ann that he must travel to Castle Fluffy Clouds. This will allow him to visit Hopelessly Confused without Ann knowing. Her prim nature and conservative views will mean spiritually growth and fun will not be considered a priority above appearances of normalcy. Ann is so boring Woodleaf thinks to himself, although she is a good wife, and being with her better than being alone. If only she would open her mind to creativity. He has tried to interest her in things like comic books, but she her taste runs to daytime talk shows and classic shows on MeTV.
Woodleaf takes down the suitcase from the bedroom closet high shelf. Ann hears the noise of the suitcase bumping as it hits the floor when Woodleaf removes it from the closet shelf, and she rushes into the room.
Ann: Why are you taking that down? David, we talked about this. The suitcases need to be arranged in a certain way to save space, and I don’t like you changing things without asking me.
Woodleaf: I must travel to Castle Fluffy Clouds. The power has gone out. I got a notification from the alarm system on my phone. I’m packing. I want the cream suit and the brunt orange suit. I will wear the blue suit. Help me pack.
Ann takes down the suits hanging in the closet and helps him pack.
Ann: Switzerland is so far away. Are you sure you can’t call someone and have them tend to the issue? Why don’t we hire a property manager?
Woodleaf: That is a great idea! As soon as I am there I will interview property managers. Drive me to the airport. I will buy a ticket there.
Ann: Don’t forgot your passport.
Ann drops Woodleaf off at the Seattle Airport Sea-Tac. But once Woodleaf arrives he begins to doubt his plan. If I don’t go to Castle Fluffy Clouds maybe Ann will find out and leave me again? He decides it will be better to just go to Switzerland like he told Ann. Once he arrives he can have Hopeless come to Castle Fluffy Clouds!
(It was only later once he was on the plane to Switzerland that he remembered. Hopeless was adamant that the drugs had to be consumed in the command chair in the apartment located in Reseda, California. )
On the plane Woodleaf is seated next to a woman with mousy brown hair, fixed in large curls. She wears heavy makeup and looks about 30, he wants to strike up a conversation, but he feels self-conscious. Will she be turned off by his age, and call him a Boomer, he worries. She takes out the Inflight magazine from the seat back pocket and starts to read it. He also takes out the magazine from his seat pocket thinking if he also reads it they could discuss a topic in the magazine, but his blood turns to ice when he notices the strange title on the cover.
The cover says “Satan’s Inflight Magazine” and has a photo of Satan and Jack toasting each other with Martini glasses. The subtitles reads “Satan and Jack indulge in vodka martinis.” He opens the page past several advertisements to reach the table of contents and scans it. The first article is called “Vodka Martinis: The Ultimate Indulgence” with the subtitle “Now Available On This Flight In Limited Quantities.” He quickly scans the articles and he noticed his name on one of the articles. He is horrified. If she reads this article and identifies him, she will never speak to him and may even demand to change her seat. He decides to use his fake name Doug when he introduces himself. This is really a disappointment. The flight to Switzerland is sure to be long and boring without conversation. He puts the magazine back in the seat pocket. He is sitting on the aisle seat and she is sitting by the window. She continues to read the magazine without taking any notice of him. After a short time he decided to take a peek at the magazine, then changes his mind, and then decides to take a quick look again. It’s like opening a mystery box. With great trepidation takes another quick peek at the magazine.
Satan’s Inflight Magazine has information about the editors and a photo of them on the inside cover page. Their names are Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Gerbils. He remembers vaguely that they were associations of Agent M in the 90’s. They had been party DJs, but gave up the music business to become editors as it was more lucrative.
The woman next to him reading the magazine looks over at him with a furtive glance. Then quickly looks back at the magazine.
Woodleaf decides the magazine has an unflattering story about him. She must know who he is. So instead of introducing himself with his Fake Internet Name of Douglas. He decides he will use his real name and explain a few things which may cause her to feel more at ease. He begins to compose a simple and logical backstory. He is traveling to Castle Fluffy Clouds with the full knowledge of his loving wife Ann to see to the repairs of a broken water pipe which may have caused a minor flood. But he is feeling a bit unwell and spacey. The water pipe seems to be gushing out water as if it the was tears of the suffering. What were the inmates of Castle Fluffy Clouds up to? Woodleaf had only imprisoned them because he felt lonely and needed more friends. Besides they had all been evicted or let go. There was no one still at the Castle to turn off the water and save him from a giant water bill. Wait a minute! He just made that up, and now he is freaking himself out about the water bill, when he is not even sure there has been a water leak. He only went on this trip to see Hopeless and then changed his mind impulsively at the last minute. He sees the woman still reading the magazine. He decides it is better not to even speak to her at all unless she speaks to him.
The woman turns to him and clears her throat, but he is so tense that he goes off script and blurts out, “I am but a simple box salesman.”
“Oh!” she says “That’s interesting? What kind of boxes?”
Woodleaf decides she either did not read the article or else she has not determined who he is yet, so he replies, “Cardboard Boxes”.