Woodleaf’s Voice Mail Outgoing Greeting
You have reached David Woodleaf, Rarefied Box Salesman and Sole Proprietor of Castle Fluffy Clouds, now on Air B n B.
Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.
Please select from the following options:
To Visit Juniper Hills Press 1
To Visit Castle Fluffy Clouds Press 2
To buy a Dreamachine Press 3
To buy a Wishing Machine Press 4
To buy another box or anything else press 5
To book my fake wife for a concert, hang up and call 911, as she does not exist, and you are insane
Caller Presses 3
To buy a Dreamachine please send a check for $666 to PO Box 666 in Juniper Hills CA and wait for your Dreamachine to arrive, as they are made on demand from scratch, from items found at the Goodwill, and one never knows how often have 78 speed record players in stock. It may take quite a while for your Dreamachine to arrive.
His voice mail system screens his callers. This allows him to tune out any negative feedback and guarantees he will never change or evolve in anyway. Woodleaf plans to change the world to bring it in line with his aesthetic sensibilities.
Sample Message: “Woodleaf, the Box you sold me, failed to work! It’s a worthless piece of junk, and I demand my money back.”
Woodleaf will not return this call, as it is not up to his standards.
Sample Message: “I love the Box you sold me. I want to fund your art projects with my unlimited funds.”
Woodleaf will return that call promptly.