Satan Wins Big at Video Poker

Satan Wins Big at Video Poker

“Professor Stephen Hawking has warned mankind will destroy the Earth, turning it into a blazing fireball, within the next 600 years. The renowned physicist believes soaring population sizes and increasing demands for energy will lead to the catastrophe. Humanity should begin looking to the stars to avoid this fate, he argues, with our nearest neighbour Alpha Centauri the best candidate for our escape.” Daily Mail Online

Satan’s Bad Dream

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

We open Satan’s Nightmare with Macy watching a disturbing report about the death of leopard sharks in the San Francisco Bay, due to a parasite. And this reminds her of the time in which Woodleaf was imprisoned inside a camera. Satan had been calling Woodleaf on his cell, but Woodleaf refused to answer the phone. Woodleaf may have placed a fake outgoing message on his cell phone saying the number was disconnected. Satan called Woodleaf several times, and then he got angry. Woodleaf was inside of the camera, and inside the camera Satan looked and he could see a photo of Woodleaf dressed in a white T-shirt superimposed in front of a nondescript building that was alleged to be the ruins of The Abbey of Thelema founded by Aleister Crowley.

“Hello!,” said that Satan into the camera, but he didn’t get any reply. There was no movement inside the camera. Satan ordered his servant Archie to throw the camera into the ocean. As the camera containing Woodleaf, who was then known as Fearless Leader, bumped along ocean floor, all of the starfish whom he passed by began to dissolve. They had developed the mysterious starfish dissolving disease, and it was shown that any stars having contact with Fearless Leader would find their careers dissolve.

Background: Tuesday May 13, 2014

For many years Dr. Evil and Archie had been in feud that consisted of elaborate pranks they played upon each other. In one of them Dr. Evil became stranded in the Arizona desert with no internet or cell service.

Dr. Evil has been in the process of setting a trap for Archie and getting rid of him, by having him sucked into an object or item from which he will never escape. Dr. Evil goes straight to his laboratory, to work on his master plan. He wants to put Archie in a decorative item such as an antique clock or a metronome and keep him on his mantelpiece. In other to pull off his plan Dr. Evil needs to lure Archie somewhere. There is a home in foreclosure with a big mantelpiece, and the address of the house is 1159 Capital Street. Dr. Evil has no problem finding a real estate agent named Margo to show the house to prospective house buying couple Agent M and Archie. Real Estate Agents are very pushy in the seller’s market for homes.

Many years have passed and endless hours of experimentation have finally paid off for Dr. Evil. He has created the perfect vessel to contain Archie. There are many spells in his huge collection of old magic books, but most of them either don’t work or don’t work the way one would expect them to work. But, at last he has found the spell he wants. Margo is employed to show the house to Agent M and Archie. Dr. Evil will watch the entire process on surveillance camera from the wine cellar located in the basement. Once Archie has been sucked into the object, Dr. Evil plans to go upstairs and gloat, while Agent M cries hysterically.

“This is a cute cottage,” says Margo. “It has only one bathroom, but another could be added. There is a full size formal living room and dining room.” Archie and Agent M enter the living room. Agent M is impressed by the large fire-place and the mantle painted flat white.


Dr. Evil succeeds in trapping Archie. Agent M throws herself on Dr. Evil’s mercy. She believed that Dr. Evil was secretly in love with her. Dr. Evil says he does not love her, he loves his wife Buffy. In despair Agent M wants to marry her boss at the Organization. Her boss David Benfell is higher up in the Organization than herself. He is in fact, an alien from another planet, who had to get a degree in human studies so could understand humans.  But, he has retreated back to his home planet, after causing great devastation to Macy and her friends.

End Background

October 03, 2017

Macy picks up the clock off the mantle-piece. Macy got possession of the clock when body dissolving acid was traded to Woodleaf for the clock that contained Archie. This allowed Dr. Evil to fully dissolve the body of Veronica Dare, and no one cares to look for her or think about her.

Macy keeps the clock on her mantle-piece since it is impossible to free Archie from the clock, and it would not be a good idea because an Archie is extremely self-centered and appears to have become senile early due to excessive consumption of alcohol, now that he is in his sixties.

It seems to Macy that the parasites consuming the leopard sharks and other types of fish in the San Francisco Bay may be related to pollution and perhaps to global warming and climate change. But mass species die offs are only part of the complete devastation and destruction of the planet, which supersedes every other type of issue that we may be concerned about. Cancer will not be a problem when the entire human race has become extinct.  The entire human race is in the process of committing suicide due to advanced global warming and large amounts of toxic chemicals, air pollution, the melting of the polar ice caps, the rising of the sea levels, and the hole in the ozone layer which is causing the atmosphere to leak out into space. Eventually there will be no atmosphere.

Some people believe that God will do something to prevent this and the human race will somehow continue. But Macy Knows that the only continuation possible would be to find a new planet, hopefully uninhabited, by and alien race, and bring some humans to the planet. This is completely impossible and totally improbable. We may need to import plants and animals, but not the parasites and diseases, this means we have to cure them. Most of us won’t be going. Most of us are too old, too fat, too ill, or have Hep C, HIV, or too stupid, unfit, or too crazy, only a very few will be chosen. The chance of being able to transport the human race would mean we would have to travel faster than the speed of light causing our bodies to dissolve. Or we would have to be placed in suspended animation where we wouldn’t age until we got to the planet which we haven’t found yet, so many light years away. What if the machines fail to defrost the people frozen in liquid nitrogen? Or maybe the people just go into in stasis chambers? We don’t have that kind of technology. Having children is a mistake because their children may not have any kind of good life, and have to face mass destruction. It is completely impossible to stop using all fossil fuels as India and China have very large populations refuse to stop using fossil fuels, and burning coal. All the toxic waste and pollution draining into the oceans is killing all the fish. Honey bees are dying from Colony Collapse. Honey is filled with pesticides. Johnny Rotten was right in his song, “Don’t Ask Me.”

“Archie, if the humans all commit suicide, what will our place be in Hell if we can’t collect new souls?” screams Satan.

More flashbacks referring to the prior story entitled “The Adventures of Agent M, Secret Agent.”

The camera with Fearless Leader inside washed up upon the shore. And Fearless Leader was able to pull himself up out of the camera. He transformed into Woodleaf which is his current incarnation.

End Flashback

Archie is still imprisoned in the clock. Although he makes occasional Pronouncements of the time, such as “This is Archie, it’s 12:00, and I have a number of needs that are not being met. Please send me gifts, items, cash, cars, computers, and kittens.”

In all the hoopla regarding the mass concert shooting in Vegas, Woodleaf decided to cancel the Concert to Repopulate Castle Fluffy Clouds. Instead he set his sights upon an upcoming mandolin concert on Sunday, Nov. 5, 2017 in San Francisco. He intends to circulate through the crowd, distributing coupons for a free nights stay at Castle Fluffy Clouds with gambling included, up to $20.00 worth.  New Options for membership include non-residential supporting at the newly discounted price of 15 Swiss Francs. Veronica Dare’s photo has been wiped from Castle Fluffy Clouds as if she never even existed. The penalty for non classical music blasting is harsh. If only Veronica Dare had loved Opera, she may have not died at the age of 51. Thinking over the life of Ms. Dare, she was a remarkably good makeup artist. She used makeup to make her skin color whiter, and on her You Tube Make Up Videos, she would point out she was half Spanish and half Filipina, and not even a little bit Hispanic. Woodleaf married her to add to his collection of wives, because although she failed to be white, she was trying to very hard to be white, that Woodleaf fell in love with her at first sight when he saw her make up and realized her soul was simple, pure and loving.

The San Francisco Festival of Mandolins occurred on April 17, 2005, but this upcoming concert sounds not as much fun as that festival. On second thought Woodleaf decides against the concert, because it will not the kind of place where he can walk around and circulate flyers. The flyers are smaller than a piece of binder paper, but bigger than a business card. Each one is about a fourth of the size of a sheet of binder paper. It is possible to print the flyers as if they are four images and then cut the paper into four pieces.

Satan awakes from this terrible dream. “Archie, stop it, make it go away!” he screams. “It’s not Archie, now it’s Jack. My name is Jack, don’t you remember?”

Jack looks up the past reference and finds as follows: 5/23/2007

Satan: “Well, Archie, we laughed for three hours. That was good, but I have to get back on track with this cannibalism project. Get me Fearless Leader.”

“We can’t talk to him, Sir. He was sucked into a camera.”

“A camera? What are you talking about?”

“He’s inside this camera. If you look through the view finder you can see him.”

Satan takes the camera and looks through the view finder.

“I can see him, but he’s not moving around.”

“Hello!” Satan shouts into the camera.

“How do we get him out of there, Archie?”

“That’s unknown, Sir.”

“Of all the nerve.  I have lost interest in the cannibalism project. I have to think of something else. Take this camera, and dispose of it. Throw it in the ocean.”

When Archie returns from discarding the camera, he finds Satan excited and enthusiastic again.

Satan: I read about millions of cloned brains existing in vats, in a hypothetical logic paper. The wonderful thing about being me, Archie, is that I can actually do that. I am going to set up a huge warehouse to hold one million cloned brains of Dr. Evil, down here in Hell.

Archie: Why would you want to do that, Sir?

Satan: The plan is simple. I am going to force all of those cloned brains to think of ways in which I may defeat God, 24/7. I have to defeat God, and I have limited time to do it. The brains in vats won’t need to eat, sleep, or maintain a human body. Dr. Evil is most the intelligent man in all of San Francisco. Imagine, what evil plans, a million of his cloned brains would be able to cook up?

The project gets under way, but unfortunately, the brains would not think about the required topic. They were obsessed with something else.

Satan: The cloning project was a failure, Archie. I instructed the cloned brains to think of ways in which I could defeat God. After letting them think for a good long while, Archie, do you know what those brains had to report?

“No, Sir, I have no idea.”

“Well, Archie, they had only come up with pages and pages of data entitled, ‘Fun Games.’”

“What is this crap?!  I screamed at the brains,” continued Satan, “If you brains don’t stop this at once, and begin to think of ways in which, I, Satan, may defeat, Him, God, then I will incinerate this warehouse in a giant fireball.”

“And as you know, Archie, I never bluff.”

“Yes, I am well aware of that, Sir” Archie answers respectfully.

“I gave those brains another fortnight to think of what I wanted them to think about, but they would only think of more of the same thing. Schemes and plots for forcing Agent M to play some kind of demented game. I have no idea, how or why, the brains were doing that, or what the meaning of it all was.”

“It was terribly disappointing, Archie. I had to burn up the warehouse and all the brains.”

“I wonder why those brains were defective, Archie?” a note of dejection now creeping into his voice.

“I have no idea, Sir.”

“The master brain I made the copies from must of had a defect,” concludes, Satan sadly. “And now, I have to think of another plan to defeat God. I am in a terrible mood, Archie. Go away, now, and leave me to my thoughts.”

Way back in the days before all opportunities were lost, Macy spoke of lost opportunities, but back then they were not really lost, yet. The problem was Macy was questioning her commitment to her line of work. If the desire to improve does not come from the client, then is it worth placing energy into such a project as it would take to either create or revamp a public image? According to Ayn Rand, if one try to help someone who seems lost, one prevent them from finding the successful way by themselves. Woodleaf was so convinced that he was doing the right thing, that he refused to listen to advice or take any suggestions. If photos or video would be shot for public display, he would be sure to sabotage the videos or the photos in someway. The reason why is unknown, but maybe he merely wants to be as disagreeable as possible? The reason behind that is also unknown.  Maybe he’s not that smart, or maybe he thinks that other people are foolish enough believe him? He refuses to ever talk to anyone as himself, the real him is lost somewhere under layers of lies, and he can’t enjoy conversation unless he pretending to be someone else. He thinks if he can imitate an all wise and all forgiving father, he can trick people, into projecting some type of transference of affection to him, so later he can show himself in what he likes to call the “Big Reveal”. This process is also called “The Long Con”, similar to the way it was depicted in the 2003 movie, Matchstick Men.

Jack won’t keep his meetings with Satan, the way Archie did. When Satan wished to share a joke, he called Jack down to Hell, but Jack won’t come very often. This annoys Satan, and by the time Jack shows up, the time of the joke has passed, so Satan stops sharing jokes with Jack.

Satan find that Jack is passed out drunk, and he has to step over him. An inverse relationship occurs, when Jack appears passed out to Macy, and she is steeping over his body, he is in Hell talking and laughing with Satan. When Jack is awake and talking to Macy, Satan sees him as passed out in Hell. And it’s been awhile since Satan has even seen Jack. Satan stops noticing this after a while. Stepping over Jack is just a fact of life. A life that can no longer be changed. Satan can’t change things, he only watches as they fall apart. But, at least he does not try to help Woodleaf, who will have make his own way in the world and figure things out on his own from now on. Satan’s latest attempt to talk to Woodleaf has failed.

It was just as if Satan was having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  More bad news seems to come almost on a daily basis.

When does the winning start? How long must I wait?

But, then something good does happen to Satan, he wins big at video poker and it’s not a dream.

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