The Talking Chicken

When Dr. Evil returns home from his afternoon walk, his wife Buffy is not there. He calls her cell phone and it goes straight to voicemail. Maybe one of my enemies, (like Bob Nelson) has kidnapped her, thinks Dr. Evil, and he begins to panic.

This is how it happens when someone disappears on television. At first the family assumes they are just late. Dr. Evil remembers watching a TV show in 2011 about a guy who broke his back falling from a cliff on Mushroom Beach on Hornby Island British Columbia located at Helliwell Park. No one looked for him, and it took him four days to crawl out.

Dr. Evil decides to call the police right away in case Buffy has crashed her car. But something stops him. Buffy could be with Javier her boyfriend. It would be embarrassing to find out it was a misunderstanding if he called the police. He wants to be understanding of Buffy’s affair, as much as he can and not appear jealous.

Suddenly Buffy walks in the door, and Dr. Evil is overwhelmed with emotion.

“Thank God, you are safe, I was so worried.” Dr. Evil runs over and kisses her.

“The mall has extended hours for the Holidays. I would have called but the battery in my cell died.” Buffy tells him.

Dr. Evil is so happy to have his wife back, that he resolves to stop trying to see Macy, and devote his all his time and attention to Buffy. He wants to give her a special gift, but what? They have everything already.

Then he sees an ad in the New Yorker, that says:

“Promise her anything, but give her a chicken.” From Quelobjet dot com

Dr. Evil finds the chickens, but they don’t really look up to par.


So, he takes on an ad on Craigslist which reads “Wanted one chicken, for my Wife Buffy. Preferable one that talks.”

“A talking chicken would be a great gift for Buffy!” thinks Dr. Evil optimistically.

As the days pass strangely the ad gets no replies.

Dr. Evil decides to take a drive to the country to look for a talking chicken.
Feeling a bit tired from driving for almost two hours, he pulls off the 101 Freeway for a to visit a Starbucks just past Petaluma. He buys coffee and snacks whenever he visits a Starbucks. He was once heard bragging to his best friend and bodyguard Lou, that he owned Starbucks.

He notices homeless chickens living in the parking lot. He talks to them, but only one of them talks back to him. The chicken is mostly white with some black and grey feather interspersed.

chicken black and white feathers

“Pick me,” says the chicken, hopefully. “If you take me back to San Francisco with you, I will be a valuable ally”. This is the only talking chicken, so he is the only one Dr. Evil wants to rescue. The choice is clear. Dr. Evil picks up the chicken, and places it in a basket and puts the basket in his car.

“It was terrible being homeless,” comments the chicken from the basket. “Where is my new home? What is it like?”

“I own a Castle in San Francisco,” says Dr. Evil. “I call it Castle Evil, but most people call it The Castle. It has a hot tub.”

Note: The Castle is not the same as Castle Fluffy Clouds which is owned by David Woodleaf.

When Dr. Evil arrives home with the chicken for Buffy, there is a large party going on at the Castle. What has happened to his peaceful home life? Will the chicken find out he used to eat KFC? That is all in the past. There will be a new Dr. Evil.

He locates the maid, Miss Housekeeping. Don’t look in the hot tub, she warns him. But Dr. Evil can’t help himself. He looks in the hot tub, then he grabs the chicken’s basket and locks himself in one of the bathrooms to calm down. He opens the basket, so the chicken’s head just peaks out.

“What did you see in there?” asks the chicken.

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