Time Machine

Woodleaf and Macy decide they would like to build a time machine. Woodleaf was forced to leave his lovely San Diego home that he shared with Ann, when it was determined that Ann did not exist. She may have existed, but she never met Woodleaf. Retreating to the boredom of Castle Fluffy Clouds, Woodleaf endeavors to construct a time machine.

Macy’s idea is to travel to 1966 and convince Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys to finish the Smile Album. This task will serve as a good test of the time machine, because even if it fails not much seems to hang in the balance of Smile being finished or unfinished. If it was finished it may have been a great work of music stood to rival the Beatles. Although Smile has been finished now, if it had been finished in the middle of Brian Wilson’s great creative period, it may have even out-shined the Beatles. The Beatles franchise had been weakened due to constantly arguing and disagreements between John and Paul. George wrote a mean song about John called Not Guilty, but it was not released until after the Beatles broke up. The Magical Mystery Tour with the exception of “I Am The Walrus” was much less successful than Sergeant Pepper. On The White Album Lennon and McCartney each wrote their songs independently. This broke up the most creatively explosive powerhouse writing team in the history music. The Beatles were in a slump, and did not come back at full strength until The Abbey Road Album in 1969. This left an opening for  Brian Wilson to over take them.

smile
Cover Art from Smile or Mengele’s hidden Jungle Home?

Brian wanted to Smile to be a more creative album then Rubber Soul. He was tired of surf music, which he found to be trivial. He was working with new lyric writers, because he did not want to use the same old surf lyrics written by Mike Love. But, the fans loved Mike Love’s voice and his lyrics, and the Surf Culture American Dream Lifestyle. They were not going to buy into the Smile concept. Brian Wilson thought it would be creative if they were to bark like dogs, because the Beatles did it on the song Hey Bulldog.  Clearly, Brian was off track. The barking on Hey Bulldog to adds nothing to the piece of substance.

In order to make the Smile Project work, Brian must be intercepted and set straight after he had heard the Rubber Soul album and before he had heard the single Strawberry Fields Forever. It has been reported the Strawberry Fields Forever was so creative that it made Brian give up.

Rubber Soul was released December 3, 1965 and Strawberry Fields Forever was released as a single on February 13, 1967.  They could tell Brian that John Lennon was ultimately unhappy with Strawberry Fields. George Martin and not John Lennon came up with the idea to create the false ending on Strawberry Fields.  Many of the experimental sounds on Strawberry Fields were created by accident. This knowledge from the future could make Brian focus and finished the album. He could have finished Smile instead of creating many short song fragments or he could have blended the microtracks into one long flow as the Beatles did on the second side of Abbey Road. There is a very short time period in which Brian could be influenced. The question would be how to approach him.

“We could stop him from taking that large amount of pure Owsley  LSD,” suggests Macy.

Macy wonders if it would be possible to also save Sharon Tate? Manson’s Music would be successful in the future and making Manson’s recording deal happen. Dennis Wilson was more than just the only Beach Boy who could surf, he also wrote the musical theme for the English comedy show from the 70’s Fawlty Towers starring John Cleese of Monty Python.  Dennis Wilson had been a close personal friend of Charles Manson. Manson had moved his family into Dennis’s mansion for a time, but they trashed the place and forced Dennis to move out. Dennis became afraid of Manson with good reason.

Manson would have been so pleased to have a record deal, he probably would have never thought of the idea to start a race war. Later in 1983, Macy could save Dennis Wilson from drowning, but first she should save John Lennon from being assassinated on December 8, 1980. But, when Macy looks at the date February 13th of the release of Strawberry Fields, she wonders if she should instead try to create a delay in the release of Strawberry Fields.  Putting the release off even one day to February 14th, 1967 Valentines Day could be enough to change all the tragic events that followed.

Macy: There are too many things we could be or should be doing when we travel back in time. It’s hard to know which one to focus on first, as one change could affect all of the other events.

They also consider saving JFK, but that has been done before in a novel by Stephen King, which failed miserably. Also there could be an issue in traveling back to 1963, before either of them were born, as they may disappear. Maybe there is a rule, that you can’t travel to the time before you were born as you may not exist anymore in that time period?

Jack, however, is opposed to the Smile Project. He dislikes Brian Wilson, and does not appreciate the music of the Beach Boys. “Brian can’t sing,” he declares after hearing him on a tribute concert to George Harrison.

The White Album is Woodleaf’s favorite record. White is Woodleaf’s signature color.  He likes everything to be white. He refuses to eat foods that are not white or sit on furniture that is not white. When he listens to The White Album it has to be pressed on White Vinyl.

When researching how to save Kennedy in Dallas Woodleaf notices a town that lies to the West of Fort Worth Texas called White Settlement Texas. He thinks this would be a great place to find people to support his Nueva Germania project.

If I save Kennedy,  after that would there be time to go door to door in White Settlement to collect support for Nueva Germania? ” Woodleaf ponders many ideas. He sees these ideas as floating a white trial balloon over enemy lines to see if it is shot down.

white chair
Woodleaf bought this chair at great expense

Fortunately, Jack is very distracted with some online political debates.  Macy manages to leave to go to Woodleaf’s house without Jack noticing she is gone. Only after she leaves does the thought occur to her, that she was born on October 25, 1965, and she will never live long enough to come back to 2018 from 1967. It will be a one way trip with no return possible, unless the time machine can carry them back to the present. Travel to the future seems harder than travel to the past, because the future has not happened yet. But, the past is already gone, so perhaps it is possible to travel to the future and not the past. They only need to step into the time machine and see what happens.

They must prepare for the trip however, by taking cash that is minted before 1966. The Stephen King Book about saving JFK 11/22/63  goes over a list of things one needs to travel into the past and blend in. However, the book was so unbearably dull that Macy did not manage to finish it. She is not sure if the main character saved JFK. The uninteresting and unimportant pot boiler characters created by Stephen King to pull on our emotional heart-strings and waste space and time caused Macy to stop listening to the Audible Audiobook, before the character even got to the day of the assassination. For some unknown reason the character did not travel straight to the correct day, but rather many years earlier then 1966, and was forced to live out an entire lifetime waiting for the day of the assassination.

If traveling to 1966 is successful could they go directly from 1966 to 1963? Macy realizes she did not read the how to do it part. She doesn’t know how to stop the assassination of JFK. It would seem prudence to killed Oswald long before he gets to Dallas. Oswald was working at the book depository, so how could the main character Stephen King’s novel fail in  to lay in wait for him? She watched the show JFK The Lost Bullet many times.

Woodleaf has found a new photo. He shows the photo to Macy.

angel island

Woodleaf: This could be Menegle’s house in Nueva Germania.

Macy: But, where is it really?

Woodleaf: I don’t know. I’m going to guess it’s an old photo of an abandoned building on Angel Island. I found it inside a book someone left behind at Dogwood Coffee Cafe.  Someone was using it for a bookmark for the book Five Years.  It could be any place.

Macy: It’s much better than that pile of bricks you were using before.

bricks

Macy; It look at least like it could have been some sort of structure.  It’s a place that he could have lived. It would become run down over time due to tropical moisture. You can say the real structure is even more dilapidated in the current time. But, what is his motivation for wanting to live in Nueva Germania?

Woodleaf: Other then he could foresee into the future and want to help me, I don’t know. I have to think of a longer backstory. This could take some time.

Lauren’s note: We will patiently wait for Woodleaf to write a backstory. While we wait you can read a more serious book about Nueva Germania. Unfortunately, the book was written in French and Woodleaf and Macy could not read French. But, Macy also found this PHD Thesis Online, but there was no enough time to read it. If they had read it, they would have found photos and a credible history of Nueva Germania. According to this thesis they would find that (unfortunately for Richard Wagner) a Jewish Family moved to Nueva Germania, but they were accepted because they were Hitler Supporters. Sadly, there were Jews in Germany who wanted to support Hitler. The family was named Stern. Richard Wagner is too busy on Twitter tweeting from beyond the grave to give comment on the situation.

Much later on the same day

Woodleaf: I came up with a backstory! I did some research after watching a TV program on Josef Mengele. They show a house like structure with an address of  5773, in São Paulo, Brazil, but they don’t give the street name. I was looking for the street name, when I found a photo of Mengele’s house. I also found a new possible address 2460 Calle Arenales Buenos Aires, Argentina. Argentina is where I placed my fake Yerba Mate processing plant for the importation of gourmet Yerba Mate in exclusive flavors such as our newest Lavender Chocolate Matte Latte.

his pool house
Mengele’s Mansion with a Pool in Brazil or in Argentina?

Woodleaf: I am sure something will come to me, but I am not quite sure how to get Mengele into a house in Nueva Germania.

Macy:  Mengele was seen in a sandwich shop in 2002, by a man who briefly locked eyes with him. The look Mengele gave him was so terrible, that the man had a nervous breakdown.

Woodleaf: That can’t be true, but tell me about it.

Macy: The man was waiting in line to buy his sandwich, when he noticed Josef Mengele also waiting in line to get a sandwich or potato salad or something else. He recognized him as Mengele. That is when Mengele looked at him with such a terrible look, that everything went black. He woke up in a mental hospital after having a complete breakdown. It took him years of therapy to regain his sanity.

Woodleaf: Where did you find this?

Macy: The man posted his story online. He said he discovered evidence that Mengele only did what he did as the result of mind control. Someone or something was controlling his mind, and he gave much evidence to support this theory.

Woodleaf: That idea is totally crazy, even by my standards, but I am willing to review it.

Macy and Woodleaf go to the computer, but they can’t find the website or any trace of the man.

Macy: I knew I should have saved the information. I don’t even remember his name or where it could have been.

Woodleaf: Are you making this up? Anyway it does not matter. It won’t help. Mengele was born in 1911, and that would make him 91 years old at the time he was seen in the Deli.

Macy: But it’s still possible, if he was a very healthy individual, that he would be able to go places without a caregiver.

Woodleaf: Not likely, he had high blood pressure. He could have still been alive, but this is a big IF, but still that does not get him into a house in Nueva Germania that I can use for my shrine.

An electronic voice on Woodleaf’s Phone announces, “Dr. Evil calling”.

Normally, Woodleaf would not take his call, but he want a distraction from this decision, of what time period to selection for travel.

Woodleaf answers the call, and puts it on speaker phone, so Macy can hear.

Dr. Evil: Woodleaf don’t leave on your trip. I want to have you booked as a nostalgia act. You should tour as Placid doing the moldy oldies tour. There is a whole circuit of venues you can perform at State Fairs,  Retirement Communities, and Senior Centers.

Woodleaf: (annoyed) My age is 35.

Macy thinks: Woodleaf’s been 35 for the last 20 years.

Woodleaf: If you think this means I am going to give up, you are mistaken Dr. Evil. I am sure to become famous any day now. Once I get back from my Time Machine Trip and change history you will be sorry you laughed at me.

Woodleaf slams down the phone.

Woodleaf to Macy: I don’t know what we should do now. My concentration has been thrown off. I don’t know what would be the best year to touch down in. If we can only travel back in time once, we have to do it very carefully.

Woodleaf is trapped in inertia.  Macy eventually gets tired, and goes back home to Jack, without having time traveled.

Woodleaf has a dream in which the ghost of Sunny Woodleaf comes to him dressed as a Doll, and tells him to go back in time and bring back Mengele’s Cat to the present. Most people don’t know Mengele had a cat named Fluffy. Fluffy was a Persian cat.

czech doll
Sunny Woodleaf comes in a dream, and says she married Mark Devo

The next day, Macy had a strange story to tell.

Macy: Sunny Woodleaf melted away into an ectoplasmic puddle of white plastic, so I swept her into a dustpan. I used my big funnel to put her melted personage into an empty plastic two-liter soda bottle. Then I put her out with recycling. This is how it happened.

Sunny came to my house in the middle of the night, with plans to record a You Tube Video to prove that she was real and was married to Woodleaf. She had ideas like showing off her ring, singing and doing a short dance with Woodleaf appearing somewhere in the frame. When I opened the door, I could see she was much changed from her previous appearance. I could recognize her by her traditional costume. But, clearly something was wrong with her mentally. I would probably put this down to associating with someone as crazy and capricious as Woodleaf. He changes his mind every minute of the day.  I put her remains in the Blue Bin.  Then the recycling truck came while I was asleep. Now my blue bin is empty. I have no idea if this was a dream, or if it really happened. I was so caught up in the moment, I forgot to take a photo to record the incident. Woodleaf said, it hardly matters, as her music does not sell. Then I got the idea to market her music for weight loss. Listening to her music creates nausea.  She melted away to just nothing. She reduced her weight to zero pounds, and no more than just a few ounces. She has been recycled, so now she can become something useful like a lawn chair.

doll with white head
Sunny WoodleafNew Look

The next day Macy receives a call from Woodleaf.

Woodleaf: I just want you to know, I created another fake person, Mark Devo. That means, I can still be married to Sunny Woodleaf.

Macy: (Nervously) Ah yes, David, there is something I need to tell you about Sunny Woodleaf.

Woodleaf: Mark Devo is really myself! I combined the name the lead singer of Devo with the idea (similar to the Ramones) that each guy should take the last name Devo. There is Mark Devo, Jerry Devo and some other guys. Do you know who they are?

Macy:  I think there is a Bob Devo.

Woodleaf: Could there be a John Devo?

Macy: Unfortunately, I may have recycled Sunny Woodleaf last night.

Woodleaf: I have to go! The doorbell has rung, and I am expecting a delivery of Obetrol so I can go doubling.

Woodleaf runs to the front door. He signs for the package, but when he opens it, instead of Obetrol, there are only some dead flowers and dried up twigs inside. He turns the box over and looks at the insides very carefully to see if the Obetrol is inside, but it’s not there.

Feeling extremely disappointed, he decides to instead consume a large amount of legal hash. Woodleaf falls asleep, and has the most fascinating dreams. He is swimming underwater and he can breathe underwater. As he comes to the surface he sees the plump white legs of senior ladies in inner tubes performing water exercises, so he dives down lower and he sees a Crystal Palace on the floor of the ocean.

The next morning he wants to remember these dreams, but they slip away from him.

GR: Sunny Woodleaf maintains a presences in the Fashion World Today. It’s too bad she doesn’t exist. She closes the circle of historically horrible female vocalists started by The Cherry Sisters.

Sunny
The Fashion Icon Sunny Woodleaf

Macy wonders when Woodleaf will remember Sunny or if will ever bring up the subject.

Woodleaf is preoccupied with the local post office. He drives to the post office with his box of leaves and twigs determined to get a refund. Woodleaf brings the box up to the counter with the dead plant material inside.

Woodleaf: I need Obetrol, so I can gain new insights. This is a box of dead vegetation. I demand a refund.

The hard faced clerk with the 70s facial hair growth is less than sympathetic.

Clerk: How do we know that you did not just take the Obetrol, and put dead leaves in this box?

Woodleaf: My wife needs to lose weight. We need Obetrol. She is so fat that this is a medical necessity.

But, the clerk won’t hear anymore.

Woodleaf walks back to his car murmuring under his breath.

“Stupid Post Office run by the Stupid Government that wants to remove all traces of fun from our lives and make us into mindless working tax paying slaves.” he thinks as he is driving back.

When he gets home he can’t find a way to contain his rage.

“I need to use the time machine to go back to when LSD and Speed was easy to get.”

He sets the dial on the time machine for 1967. The dial only has yearly increments. He knows he will be going to somewhere in 1967, but where?

Woodleaf was lucky that the Time Machine seemed to know how to best help him. The machine landed gently in Golden Gate Park during the Summer of Love 1967, in a hidden area behind some shrubs.

But once Woodleaf lands he realized in his haste he has forgotten to dress as a Hippy or to find older minted bills. He has only modern cash and credit cards. He has a cell phone, but it does not work. He is wearing his normal everyday attire which is an ill fitting tight suit. He has forgotten to take Macy with him. There are Hippies walking around, but he feels too shy to approach them looking the way he does

The who
The Who dressed in 60s tight fitting suits

Eventually after much mental stewing Woodleaf tries to talk to the Hippies, but they shun and avoid him. They murmur words like “old man” and “square” as they hurry past him on the way to somewhere else. Finally Woodleaf loses his temper and starts screaming. “You think you are all so smart? I am much younger than any of you. I have come from the future. My age right now is 3 years old! They all look at him like he is completely insane. They stare at him for a moment then run or walk away very quickly leaving Woodleaf alone and dejected.

He sits on a fallen eucalyptus log, and a large black raven lands in front of him. He is amazed to see the bird, and even more astounded when the bird begins to speak to him. “I am a friend of Cracky, your best friend parrot, and I am here to help you out.” says the Raven. No one else can hear the Raven because he is speaking by telepathy.  “I know you need some money, and I have come up with a way that you can make money.”

 

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