Planet Juniper is noting the following updates to Woodleaf’s Outgoing Voicemail Message
You have reached Woodleaf, Castle Fluffy Clouds and all things Woodleaf.
Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed
Please select from the following options
To Tour Nueva Germania Press 1
To Tour Castle Fluffy Clouds Press 2
To buy a Dreamachine Press 3
To buy a Wishing Machine Press 4
To buy another box or anything else press 5
To book my fake wife for a concert, hang up and call 911, as she does not exist, and you are insane
Caller Presses 3
To buy a Dreamachine please send a check for $666 to PO Box 666 in Jupiter Hills and wait for your Dreamachine to arrive. They are made on demand from scratch, from items found at the Goodwill, and one never knows how often they stock 78 speed record players.
Note: Woodleaf only likes retro technology, which frequently fails to work, but this is part of his art. If something old and vintage fails to work and becomes a frustrating factor in the life of someone else, then he has created successful Art. The older and stranger looking the box, the more he likes it.
Here is a look at some of his current answering machines, by which he may screen his callers and only accept the ones he feels are favorable. This allows him to tune out any negative feedback created by his art.
Sample Message: Woodleaf, the box, you sold me, failed to work! It’s a worthless piece of junk, and I demand my money back.
Woodleaf will not return this call, as it is not up to his standards.
Sample Message: I love the box you sold me. I want to fund your art projects with my unlimited funds.
Woodleaf will return that call promptly.
This is Woodleaf’s favorite answering machine. It combines the turn tables found on his Dreamachines with a box. This box takes a message and burns it on to a record. This is the most impractical form communication he can find. Since he believes the more popular he is, the harder it will be to communicate with him. As The Great Master Cultural Figure he refuses to accept any communications at all.
Below are newer models of the Dreamachine that Woodleaf is working on