Old Growth Redwoods

GR: Tell me about that glass dome that you wanted to use to encase yourself inside in order to conduct a funeral for Ernst Jünger.

W: It was not a funeral, it was a prerequiem.

GR: It was a masterpiece. I’m saying this without a trace of sarcasm, but with genuine sincerity.

W: I will tell you how that came about. I wrote the article originally to submit to a literary journal. My pet parrot Cracky published an eight issue literary journal which was called The Friend. Cracky’s feathers became ruffled by my article. Fortunately, I was able to publish the article in the wall of time blog. This preserved the article for posterity. It is not possible to get back issues of The Friend. Even if it was possible, without a table of contents it would be impossible to know which of the eight issues that my articles were contained within, and as most of the articles were written in German it may be very unlikely (unless these were published online somewhere) that people would get to read my articles. The chances of a person seeking out an obscure German literary magazine in the USA is very unlikely when one considers the wealth of free articles that are available to the general public via the Internet.

GR: Am I to understand that back issues are offered without contents listing?

W: That was Cracky’s idea. He had the notion that if he was to not include the table of contents listing for each magazine that the unsuspecting buyers would be forced to buy all eight issues in order to get access to the articles that would be mine which would, of course be the most popular and interesting articles, and most likely the only ones in English. I take it, The Friend did not sell very well. There may be ample back issues available, but it may be very difficult to purchase them.

GR: Why not republish your articles on your blog or website?

W: I don’t have a blog or a website anymore.

GR: What about WordPress?

W: That is what Macy wants me to do, and as I explained (in an earlier chapter), I never do anything Macy suggests because that way she would win. I am right, and she is always wrong. I always take the counter position to what she wants, so she can continue to be always wrong. I get more happiness from her being wrong, and me being right then from popularly, or the preservation of my work.

GR: So, why do you keep Macy around?

W: She brings me pleasure when she is denied.

GR: Oh, well, what does it matter? Does anything matter when the earth is going to be sucked into the sun? The Friend had hideous cover art, anyway, no one would want it in their homes. Maybe if the covers were ripped off and destroyed, it could be filed away cover less, but who has any space in their homes for non digital books or magazines. I am certainly not wealthy enough for storage of printed materials.

W: I had John Money for Nothing design all the covers.

GR: His style is improving.

W: Yes, quite.

GR: But, back to your service for Ernst Jünger. How can I put this delicately without hurting your feelings? Old growth Redwoods can’t possibly grow in the Black Forest. Redwoods can only grow on the coast of California because they need a fog climate to survive. They survive only in large grouping as their leaves catch the moisture in the air and create a sort of gentle rain. They allows these high water trees to survive the dry summers. Does it not seem incongruously to the doctrine of plant consciousness to suggest sacrificing old-growth redwoods for a funeral pyre for this man inside a glass dome that is hermetically sealed?

W: Not really, because they will all burn up anyway soon, in all the fires caused by drought and global warming. I am just burning a few of them. What is the harm in that?


GR: That sounds like quite a plan, but if you had a fire inside a sealed glass dome, the fire would consume all the oxygen in the dome. Although, it might possibly work if you were to stand outside the dome, but I’m not even sure if the glass would shatter due to the increase in temperature from the fire?

GR: I looked it up online and apparently it is possible to exist inside a glass dome provided that glass dome is made of many segments and not one solid full bubble. I saw pictures of it at a hotel in Scandinavia. As follows:

Surrounded by nature, this unique property is located in the Saariselkä Fell region of Finnish Lapland. The property offers glass igloos and traditional wood chalets and has the world’s largest smoke sauna. Free WiFi and free parking are available.

The thermal glass igloos feature a bedroom with a glass roof and luxury beds. Some igloos include a bathroom with sauna, while others have shared shower facilities.

The chalets feature cooking facilities, a seating area and fireplace. A private sauna is also included.

Kakslauttanen Arctic Resort offers 2 à la carte restaurants, which serve Laplandic specialities such as reindeer and char-grilled salmon. The hotel’s smoke sauna even has its own restaurant, Savusauna.

6 saunas are available, each has a relaxation room with an open fireplace. A nearby ice hole is ideal for cooling off.

Husky and reindeer safaris can be arranged, and snowmobiling is also possible. Guests can also rent cross-country skis, Nordic walking sticks and snow shoes.

Urho Kekkonen National Park is 3.1 miles away from Kakslauttanen Arctic Resort – Igloos and Chalets.

W: Girl Reporter, your research is quite amazing! I should update my descriptions of Castle Fluffy Clouds, accordingly.

GR: And, of course, if you literally wanted his body to be eaten by insects after death very few bees eat meat. Perhaps wasps, would eat him? Have you ever been to a cookout and yellow jackets cut off pieces of your hot dog, and fly away with it? I have. It was so exciting.

To consume his entire body you’d have to go for something more along the lines of maggots. The only birds that eat flesh are vultures. None of these are what you would consider noble animals.

W: I was using poetic license. You’re taking everything too literally. You will never be able to really understand and appreciate art unless you are willing to suspend your disbelief and go with the flow.

GR: Thank you for enlightening us. Have a beautiful rest of your day.

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