Chess Master visits Bee Girl

Re cap of the story so far:

Agent M is a secret Agent who works for a spy agency known as the Organization. Her boss is an alien bend on world domination. He collects energy from humans by draining them in such as way, they can’t feel it. The only people who can see thought him are Chess Master, and occasionally Agent M, herself. Those who are aware of his inhuman persona are those with special powers and abilities that make them in high demand for the various spy agencies, who compete for a chance to feed off their emotions. In order to control their agents the Organization operates on a system of punishments and rewards. The problem is humans have so much spirit and courage, they do things to deliberately throw that system off balance. Agent M’s boyfriend is a demon named Archie, who works for Satan. God is in direct opposition to Dr. Evil because of a book he wrote and a philosophy he developed called Fun Games.

Chess Master has a horrible Valentine’s Day February 14, 2006

Chess Master visits Bee Girl in prison on Valentine’s Day, but it’s not very romantic because he has to tell her, there will be no new trail. Since the Organization has accidentally driven the only attorney who could have taken the case insane.

“Why!” screams Bee Girl.

She looks like she could turn violent, but she is behind a plastic barrier

“He must recover his sanity,” she declares. “You’re a chess genius, do something.”

“I may be good at chess,” he explains patiently, “but, I have no expertise in curing the mentally ill.”

“She won’t make a good wife for you Chess Master,” the Organization begins to interrupt. “Look at her and see her for what she really is. You can never be happy being married to someone like her. She has poor impulse control. She very likely did kill John Lassen.”

“No!” Chess Master says, out loud. “I can’t believe she would do that.”

“What are you talking about?” screams Bee Girl. She is now completely hysterical.

“The Organization is annoying me, right now,” explains Chess Master. “They are trying to cast doubt on your innocence.”

“I knew it, “ screams Bee Girl. “I knew they framed me.”

This is worse Valentine’s Day, Chess Master can possibly imagine. On one hand he has Bee Girl screaming at him, “This is a conspiracy. Can’t you see the Organization drove the lawyer crazy, just because they don’t want me to get out of prison.”

One the other hand, the Organization is speaking to him  by telepathy, and telling him, that “Clearly you can see how unbalanced she is. We don’t mean to drive any of our agents insane. It just happens as an unfortunately side effect of our contact with them.”

He doesn’t know what to say, and he wants to consult his chess set, but he doesn’t have it with him. Finally, he makes up his mind, that the Organization is correct. He tells Bee Girl he thinks she is probably guilty.

“The only reason, you believe them and not me, is because I am locked up here, and they can talk to constantly. They have brainwashed you. I have so little time to talk to you, and they have continual access to your mind.” Bee Girl is adamant that she is innocent.

Finally Chess Master agrees that she is innocent, just to give himself some peace, but the more time that goes by the less he feels he loves Bee Girl, and anyway he can’t think of a way to get her out of prison.

Meanwhile Agent M gets a phone call telling her she has won a free trip to Hawaii.

“Archie, we won a free trip to Hawaii, but we have to leave right away. Do demons need to pack?”

“That could be a trick. I don’t trust it. When do we get back?” replies Archie.

“Friday, the day before the wedding. It’s not a trick. Every time I work out at Fitness USA, I’m entered to win a free trip to Hawaii, and this time it came true. I’m so happy! I love Hawaii.”

Not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend Archie agrees to the vacation.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Macy and Archie are on their way to a wedding in Hawaii.

Some where on the island of Molokai, their rental car breaks down leaving them stranded a good distance away from help or cell phone access.

“Well, it’s OK,” says Agent M, “I knew something awful was going to happen at that wedding. I didn’t want to go any way. We are stranded in paradise.

But, Archie is furious.

Suddenly Dr. Evil’s voice interrupts the FM radio music, “Bad news, fools. I, Dr. Evil, played this prank upon you, just so you would miss the wedding. Maniacal laughter is heard. Then the Dr. Evil continues, “this is nothing personal Agent M, but your boyfriend is out of control.”

They have some water with them in the car, and a bag of Hawaiian chips.

“This is all Dr. Evil’s fault,” screams Archie, but he knows Dr. Evil, can’t hear him. “I should have known that he would have some revenge in store for me. He never lets anything go. I should have known this by now.”

Back in San Francisco, Buffy returns to Castle Evil from shopping. She is so excited that the Spend 50 promotion, once believed unpopular, has been extended into the winter/spring season.

Dr. Evil, Buffy and Lou sit down to a celebration meal. There is a bowl of brown sugar on the table, and when Buffy lifts the lid to put sugar in her herbal tea, there a little piece of paper with writing on it.

“What’s this mean?” she shows the note to Dr. Evil and Lou.

In heavy black letters the note reads, “This is how you pay me back. Thanks a lot. God.”

“What could this means?” she asks.

“Me and Dr. Evil went to a night club,” Lou begins, “and Dr. Evil brought food.”

“I deny it,” declares Dr. Evil. “Lou must of had a bad dream, and he has mistaken in for reality.”

Snowmen Nightmare
Snowmen Nightmare


Time unknown:  Eventually Chess Master is contacted by a new Lawyer who is willing to take on Bee Girl’s Appeal.  The flamboyant attorney named Woodard is known for only taking the most colorful and hard to defend clients, such as the Crying Not See. He dresses up in court, often like Ben Franklin, to show that he is defending The Constitution. Chess Master agrees to engage him out of sense of guilt, but he secretly hopes Bee Girl will never get out of prison, so he can be left in peace and quiet to continue to study his chess moves. The Organization agrees to pay the legal bills, and in fact insists that they will over pay Woodard, as they have unlimited funds which they may used for whatever they like. What they like to do is make Chess Master’s life miserable.

Woodard in a pensive moment

Cantwell’s attorney is Elmer Woodard, who appeared in court wearing an early-1800s-style red waistcoat with gold buttons, bowtie, white muttonchop whiskers, black velcro shoes, and a a 1910s-style straw boater hat.  Source: The Daily Beast



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