The Story Of Agent M

lock1

The way Woodleaf treats his guests

David Woodleaf: What do you mean you let them all go? You just opened the gates of Castle Fluffy Clouds, and you let all the people out, and now they are gone, and I have no friends?

David Bellfree:  Yes, they wanted to go, so I let them all go, and if any remained I kicked them out, because I decided all friends are useless. Friendship is fake. Money is what matters to me.  I want a good paying job with benefits. What do you say?

David Woodleaf: In a rage, screaming, “Get out! Get out, of my Castle.”

After the Alien departs in his Uber, perhaps headed back his home world planet, Woodleaf calls Macy.

“He let them all go,” Woodleaf screams into the phone. Screaming on the phone was something Woodleaf did a lot of.

“All of the people I had in my collection due to the success of the Billy Joel Piano Man Concert were released, and now Castle Fluffy Clouds is empty again!”

“Ok,” says Macy, “I’m not deaf, at least not yet. What do think we should do about it?”

“I don’t know,” screams Woodleaf, “I am just so upset right now I can’t even think of what we should do.”

Lauren’s Notes:

Let us look back at the history of David Belfry and Macy. When Macy was a Secret Agent working for the Organization David was her Boss. But, he was only her Boss for a short time, after a few months he locked himself in his home, and refused to leave it. He refused to attend meetings, and so he was let go by the Organization.

September 25, 2004

Agent M has a Boss, named David Belfry, and he is an alien from another planet.

Agent M was at headquarters, in the middle of a meeting,  when a young man of low rank dropped some silverware on the marble floor. It made an alarming racket. Her boss was startled from his train of thought, “Stupid, clumsy fool,” David yelled at the bewildered youth, who was named Andrew.

Agent M watched as he yelled at Andy, and then covered her face with her hands to hoping to hide what she was feeling. Pretend all is normal, she told herself.

It was always an Agent’s duty to first and foremost hide what he or she might be feeling.

This occurrence had thrown her for a loop, she had been feeling weak, as of late, and things seems to be entering a downhill spiral. Holding her hands in front of her face was the worse thing she could have done, betraying the fear that someone would hit her, and she had to protect her face and brace herself for the impact.

Luckily, her boss did not notice and no one else did either. All the attention was focused on the Andy, and by the time they all stopped looking at him, she had managed to compose herself and become impassive again.

The meeting continued with any further issues. But Agent M realized everyone at the table was reading each other’s minds. Everyone could read her mind, and she could read everyone else’s mind. She decided it was some kind of mind reading trick that the alien was playing on the humans with his mental powers.

A few days later Agent M was walking along the sidewalk, she noticed some child had written words in the wet cement with a stick, and she read them.

“Don’t Trust”

Then a large truck passed by with great noise and speed, and she read the words posted on the side of truck, and read the words, “Your Boss”

“Don’t Trust Your Boss.”

She understands the message, but she wonders why, so she thinks she will try to call the Organization, for an explanation. She pulls out, her cell phone, and this time, The Organization answers on the first ring.

“Agent M, we are so happy you called. Since Chess Master has proved to be such a disappointing Agent, we now realized how much we really need you, and want you back.”

“Ok,” agrees Agent M, “What is the meaning of your latest message?”

“Well,” begins the Organization, with some hesitation, “We are unsure of your boss’s loyalty, and we want you to look into the situation.”

“How can you doubt David? His record is impeccable.”

“Exactly so, Agent M, but have you ever noticed that his record and profile are just too perfect. Name his vices.”

Agent M, thinks about this for a minute. “He has no vices,” she answers.

“This, in itself, is suspect,” explains the Organization, everyone has vices, like gambling, drinking, or smoking, and he does not have any. Your vice, Agent M is men, but David has no vices, not even women, clearly something is wrong. He must be a double agent..”

“I do find it odd,” agrees Agent M, “But, I have no idea how to test him.”

“You will think of something, Agent M. You always do, and by the way, Agent M, don’t screw up!” The Organization then hangs up, leaving Agent M, worried and upset.

Agent M decides to consult Chess Master.

She meets Chess Master in the park, as this is a nice day. Chess Master thinks they should consult his Chess Set. They go back to Chess Master’s house the place is a terrible mess. There are empty boxes everywhere, and stacks of empty pizza boxes. Unwashed clothes are all over place.

Chess Master notices her disapproving look, and he says, “I have more important things to think about then house cleaning.”

He opens up the chess set on to the table. Agent M looks at it. It looks like a normal chess set. The wooden pieces are dark brown.

“Go ahead, talk to it,” Chess Master urges her.

“Is my Boss a double agent?” she asks.

The chess set remains silent.

“Don’t ask like that,” Chess Master says, “It is not a Ouija Board, you have to talk to them sincerely, and give them more information to go on.”

So Agent M, who loves to talk, begins to tell the chess set her entire tale of woe.

Even after she talks to it for 45 minutes, the Chess Set remains silent. Chess Master says he is sorry. He thinks she should just go home and maybe later the Chess Set will say something.

After Macy leaves she does not want to go home, she wants to go shopping to take her mind off of her pain.

She get a coffee and sits down at the food court tables.  Macy notices Buffy with many large shopping bags, and Buffy is coming right towards her table.

There is no time to hid, so she forces a smile, and says, “Hello, Buffy. How are you?”

Buffy sits down without being invited, and there is a menacing look on her face.

“I would be a lot better, Agent M, if you weren’t around. Look at all these bags. I have bought tons of new clothes to please my husband, Dr. Evil, and also had my hair done, my nails done, a facial, health club, and used a tanning bed. But, he is still thinking about you, Agent M, and I am warning you, if I ever catch the two of you together.”

The threat is not said, but clearly implied. Agent M attempts to reason with her.

“What makes you think, I am interested in your husband, Buffy?”

“I can tell,” says Buffy bitterly, “By the look in his eyes, the tone in his voice, and the spring in his step, that he is thinking of you,” replies Buffy. “I think he is going to try and meet you at Cell Space. I heard him talking to Lou, and making plans. And, I want you to know, the only one who is going to be dancing at Cell Space with my husband is me, and not you.”

I am so much more beautiful than you, Agent M,” she adds, contemptuously, “I have no idea, what he sees in you.”

Agent M promises Buffy she will never go to Cell Space, and after Buffy leaves, she begins to think about what Buffy said, and what it all really means.

Archie is a minor demon servant to Satan, who has moved in with Agent M. He realizes that Macy is living a romantic day dream about a dashing hero, who happened to be himself. But, he knew that was completely absurd. Archie only acted on self interest, and he is not particularly good looking or intelligent. Pointing this out to Agent M would merely ruin her good opinion of him. In one of the outer levels of Hell, written pages of a notebook begin to rain down on him. Archie picks up all the pages. Satan had no interest in these pages, and Archie was able over many hours, to collect them all, and sort them out. He bound them together in a book binding and created a large hard covered book, and had the name printed on the cover. The book is called Fun Games by Dr. Evil.

That night Macy has a nightmare, after what Buffy said to her about Cell Space.

She dreams that somehow Dr. Evil and Lou have locked her in the cell, and Dr. Evil is explaining that if she summons Archie, they will let her go. She tells them no, because she knows they are going to kill him. Dr. Evil acts so professionally, that she can almost believe him when he tells her, that they just want to talk to Archie. However, Lou has a look of anticipation in his eyes, and a certain tension in his body that indicates he is waiting to kill Archie, and that he has been wanting to do this for a long time. When she declares for the second and then the third time, that she will never summon Archie, Dr. Evil appears to lose patience with her, and he tells her, that she will have to stay in this cell forever.

“Yeah, forever,” repeats Lou. And the both leave her alone.

Which is why when the next day, she notices Lou coming toward her, at the Stonestown Galleria Food Court, she runs and hides in Banana Republic.

Dr. Evil had grown parnoina and he had asked Lou to keep an eye on Macy.

When Lou get back to the Castle, he tells Dr. Evil, she hid from me. She knows that I am spying on her. Dr. Evil frowns. “We have to give up”, he says to Lou.

Macy will report that we I am having her stalked. It will make everything worse and besides.  I promised Buffy, I would take her on the QE2, and she wants to show off all the new clothes, that she bought at the Stonestown Galleria.”

“Can I come on the cruise?” asks Lou.

“Why sure Lou, if you want to.” replies Dr. Evil.

There is a momentary silence as Dr. Evil imagines all the things Lou can say to embarrass him in public if he decides to open his mouth.

To overcome this awkward moment, he adds, “I would never think of going on the QE2 without my very best friend in the whole world.”

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s