Woodleaf: “I have a wonderful idea. We get Charles Manson to perform for the 50th anniversary of the Summer Of Love.”
Macy: “As your media rep, I have to advise you that this is a bad idea.”
Woodleaf: “Imagine the Cognitive Dissonance that will affect the concert goers. On one hand you have the positive “Summer of Love” and on the other hand you have Charles Manson. Their brains will simply explode!”
Woodleaf: in a dramatic aside:
This is the real meaning of my Art. For example, they hated Nueva Germania, but they had to love it because it was racially integrated, and they have to love everything that is racially integrated. The love the idea of the Dreamachine providing a free high without drugs, but it does not work. I touted Calea zacatechichi, a herb that is said to cause lurid dreams, and it does not work either. So everything about me looks like its leading to something good, but then it goes bad. The people feel upset, and this is my art. If people don’t get my art, that is not my fault. I can’t tell them everything. If people are not upset then my art has failed.
Woodleaf: Addressing Macy, Cracky, and Ann.
This is my plan to get Manson out of prison for the concert. I will put on my Andy Warhol Wig, and become John Money for Nothing. There is no way anyone can trace anything about me back to Manson. Therefore, it won’t be public relations nightmare.
First, I have to get in to see Manson. I do this by writing to Manson, and then getting put on Manson’s visitors list. Then I get him to agree to the concert, and tell him to practice his guitar and his songs such as Look Your Game, Girl. A tunnel dug under his cell pops Manson right out at the Festival of Love 50 Years center stage. Hopefully, he can do a few songs before he gets rearrested. Of course, I can’t dig the tunnel. I need to hire some Mexicans to work for me.
Macy: Yes, I remember the story you wrote called “Rent A Worker.”
Woodleaf: That was a chapter in my masterpiece story. I guess it could be made into a separate story.
Macy: “The Sheik of Araby was used in your story. I love the song, and can you believe the You Tube Video?”
Suddenly a phone rings, interrupting the conversation.
Electric cell phone voice announces
Call Coming in from Dr. Evil
Dr. Evil to Woodleaf on the phone: “Woodleaf, you abandoned me just when I needed you most. I need a vat of body dissolving acid.”
Woodleaf: “No, I can’t be bothered with that. I am on to bigger and more interesting projects, than merely getting rid of another body.”
Dr. Evil: (hysterically) “But, she was one of your fake wives! Does the name Veronica Dare ring a bell with you?”
Woodleaf: “Ah, yes, she was Asian and she wanted to be white, that is why I adopted the poor thing, but her anti intellectualism and her strange desire to disturb my world with loud metal music was more than I could stand.”
Dr. Evil: “So, what are you going to do about it?”
Woodleaf: “Nothing, she’s not my concern. Go find your own acid on the black market somewhere.”
After a few days of consideration, Woodleaf remarks “Cracky, call Dr. Evil back, I want to make a deal, but it will cost him a lot of money.”
Woodleaf: “Ann, call Dr. Evil. Cracky is pretending that he can’t talk again.”
Woodleaf to Cracky: “I know perfectly well you can talk. Shall I make you an imaginary wife? The name I am thinking of is Frau Dunkelwelt. Frau Dunkelwelt is an older middle-aged sort of woman who wears heavy shoes orthopedic shoes. If you want a young pretty wife, you better start talking, Cracky.”
Frau Dunkelwelt: (in an English Accent) “I’m putting on the kettle for a cupa.”
The old woman begins to clump around in her heavy shoes, each foot step, noisy and shaking the floor boards.
Cracky: “Earthquake!” The parrot lifts his wings to hide his head as if from an object that may fall on him.
Woodleaf: “Go away Frau Dunkelwelt. I change you into Fräulein Fensterlicht. She is all youthful sweetness, and the light that comes when one opens a window and new ideas come in.
Woodleaf: “Ann, we have an English woman, who must be a Nanny, and she won’t go away.”
Woodleaf thinks he could send the Nanny over to The Castle with the vat of acid and a note that will state that the use of the acid will be allowed only if Dr. Evil agrees to employee the Nanny, so she will never return again to San Diego. (Eventually, Woodleaf ships her off to Castle Fluffy Clouds were she becomes the much needed Nanny for all of the unattractive, boisterous children.
Cracky takes a dramatic aside:
Of course, my wife Fräulein Fensterlicht is not real. I made her up to get people off my back. I was feeling a lot of pressure from pushy people. I wanted to be fly and travel the world without any rumors bringing me down.
Woodleaf: The large shoes on her Facebook profile make people think of her as a cartoon character.
Cracky: That can’t be helped. Her face has aged and she gained weight. She won’t allow me to use any photos or video of her in public.
Woodleaf: I understand. I should have taken advantage of the chance to have good quality photos and videos made of myself before I aged, when Macy suggested it.