A Large Family

The Big Headed Woman had a large family. How many dolls did they have growing up? What kind of dolls were they? Likely they were Easy to Dress Clone Dolls for younger girls. In the infamous story “My Story”, these questions are asked.

“My Story” was uploaded as a PDF to the Planet Juniper Website. “My Story” was supposed to have been the story of the Big Headed Woman’s childhood in Nueva Germania in which she would admit she knew Mengele to prove he lived there so Woodleaf would create more outrage when he brought forth his big reveal as part of the long con. It more or less happened like that, in the Article published in the Chronicle, expect it was Elisabeth Förster-Nietzsche house, not Mengele’s.

Woodleaf made up the whole thing himself. He found it difficult to write as he thought a stupid person would write, especially, when he was so stoned. This explains all the typos and misspellings. Woodleaf did not want anything to break his flow of creative thought when he was writing.

“My Story” was to be a teaser to a book the Big Headed Woman was writing. Woodleaf told his parrot everything. He told Cracky, in the book they wrote together, in the form of emails that Mengele was a degenerate drunk came into town screaming for whiskey.

sign

Woodleaf had a hard time thinking what Mengele would say and do in Nueva Germania. It might’ve helped if would had taken the time to actually go to Nueva Germania, but they were a few issues that were working against such an Embarkment. The cost of the cheapest airfare to Asunción was $2000 dollars. Then there was the difficulty of arranging the overland transport to Nueva Germania some 227 miles. Woodleaf could not stand South American countries. He hated hot weather and was afraid of being robbed. And on top of that, Woodleaf was worried that he might not be welcomed there.

The Girl Reporter was on the case. She was not buying Woodleaf’s story that no one was missing because these people were all fake. After all the Big Headed Woman and her family certainly existed, but why did the similar family pictured below disappear?

large family

Girl Reporter: Tell me Woodleaf, how did this all start?

Woodleaf: It all began when no one would leave positive comments on my many sites like Planet Juniper and Nueva Germania.  When I banned all the people who left negative comments, there were no comments left so I began to write my own fake comments.  By and by, Google, Facebook and Instagram wanted everyone to have an online profile in order to comment, so I got to work creating fake people.

Veronica Dare, was the woman, who ended up dead in a hot tub. Dr. Evil called me up. He was very upset. He kept murmuring “Fatty Arbuckle,” and “No Way.”

“Woodleaf,” he said to me, “Get down here to The Castle with your strongest body dissolving acid.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,”  I said, coyly.

GR: But, what about the disappeared family?

WL: They never existed in the first place. Photoshopped. No crime was ever committed, we can all go home and eat cheese.

To be clear: Dr. Evil does not live at Castle Fluffy Clouds, he lives in a house in San Francisco called, The Castle. Castle Fluffy Clouds is in Switzerland. It is a ruined Castle.

After watching the TV show American Dad, Woodleaf notices the Fish is named Klaus Heissler. This reminds him of Klaus Kinski who starred in a movie called Fitzcarraldo directed by Werner Herzog. The lead character, named Fitzcarraldo, wants to build an Opera House in South America because he loves Enrico Caruso. Woodleaf explains the reasoning behind his wanting to build an Opera House devoted to Richard Wagner in Nueva Germania. We the audience are left wanting to know more as the curtain falls.

Updated: The curtain rises again. A comment was left on a You Tube Video created by Vice Media entitled The Last Aryans of Paraguay. Woodleaf left a comment on the video on a fake identity, but Vice deleted all the video comments and then banned all future comments. The comment was saved to an online archive to prevent it from being lost forever from the world.

There was a small colony of Nazi fugitives in a mountainous part of the Altlantic rainforest called Itatiaia. It seems they were tipped off that someone was on their trail and they suddenly fled.

Blue Lake, Atlantic rainforest, Itatiaia National Park, Rio de Janeiro state, Brazil

photo was shown at this point

It’s a beautiful spot and the houses are comfortable and well made. Even the still-vacant ones are in great shape. A Brazilian friend of mine bought one as a vacation home. It’s on the side of a mountain and has terrific views over the jungle. Otoh, the views from the big house uphill, across the lane, must be amazing. A huge bronze shield-shaped sign on one of the granite gate-posts announces the house’s name: Walhalla. It was Josef Mengele’s mansion and, obviously he felt no need to conceal his presence.

I should point out that I knew none of this before arriving there. My friends wanted to make sure that I’d fallen in love with the location before they revealed its darker side.

Around the house are tall pine trees, brought from Europe. Other species like impatiens and hydrangea had escaped from its garden into the surrounding jungle, lending and air of bizarre familiarity to the tropical scene.

One day we hiked to a huge waterfall, walking through abandoned gardens where Nazis used to grow vegetables, past empty two-story houses. Then, in the middle of the jungle, we came upon hard-clay tennis courts with high, rusting fences, tenuous shreds of their nets remaining. Further along there were soccer fields, an Olympic-size swimming pool (not entirely drained of water) and, finally, a bright pink six-story hotel. Little by little, it was all being overgrown, eaten away and eroded by the implacable forest. Curiously, a fountain and an outdoor shower near the pool were still running. I assume they were spring-fed.

Anyway, it’s for sale. The owners want $4,000,000 for it but I hear they’d be open to offers. They’re two German brothers…

From the Woodleaf Wikia:

The Schweikhart Brothers were fictional characters. They were reported to be retarded, and shunned by the people of Nueva Germania. They lived high up in the mountains, and one would have to hike to get there. They were reported to be cannibals, but the reason was not given for this line of thought into the character development. (See Woodleaf’s video in which he holds the Big Headed Woman Hostage, and makes her talk about eating a leg) Woodleaf claimed he visited them. Actors were hired to pose as these fictional brothers for a photo opt, which Woodleaf posted on his website Planet Juniper. This photo was uploaded to Wikipedia, but later was removed as it did not have proper credentials. Woodleaf liked the movie called Employee of the Month in 2006, so he posted the photo of him with his arms around the with the Schweikhart Brothers, under this title. Check in history files of Nueva Germania Wikipedia Article to find the deleted information. A spirited debates exists there on whether or not Josef Mengele lived in Nueva Germania, or did he just visit there briefly or did he not go there at all. One can speculate, but where is the proof? He was traveling under a different name. There are many reported sighting of him, like Elvis or Big Foot.

Note: Buildings in the Brazilian Rain Forest decay at an accelerated rate due to the humidity.

Woodleaf  found some photos in the Daily Mail Online of Beatles’ producer George Martin’s AIR recording studio which is decaying away on the Island of Montserrat. The destroyed building and swimming pool will represent Josef Mengele’s mansion. Woodleaf remarks, to no one in particular because no one is there to hear him.

“It’s not about actually creating anything creative, but rather it is about fooling people into to thinking you have created something creative, while you do as little work as possible, and relax at home with some Entertaining Programming.”

 

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