A Large Family

The Big Headed Woman had a large family. How many dolls did they have growing up? What kind of dolls were they? Likely they were Easy to Dress Clone Dolls for younger girls. In the infamous story “My Story”, these questions are asked.

“My Story” was uploaded as a PDF to the Planet Juniper Website. “My Story” was supposed to have been the story of the Big Headed Woman’s childhood in Nueva Germania in which she would admit she knew Mengele to prove he lived there so Woodleaf would create more outrage when he brought forth his big reveal as part of the long con. It more or less happened like that in the Article published in the Chronicle, expect it was Elizabeth Nietzsche Forster’s house not Mengele’s.

Woodleaf made up the whole thing himself. He found it difficult to write as he thought a stupid person would write, especially, when he was so stoned. This explains all the typos and misspellings. Woodleaf did not want anything to break his flow of creative thought when he was writing.

“My Story” was to be a teaser to a book the Big Headed Woman was writing. Woodleaf told his parrot everything. He told Cracky in the book they wrote together in the form of letters that Mengele was a degenerate drunk came into town screaming for whiskey.

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Woodleaf had a hard time thinking what Mengele would say and do in Nueva Germania. It might’ve helped if would leave had taken the time to actually go to Nueva Germania, but they were a few issues that were working against such an embarkment. The cost of the cheapest airfare to Asunción was $2000 dollars. Then there was the difficulty of arranging the overland transport to Nueva Germania some 227 miles. Woodleaf could not stand South American countries. He hated hot weather and was afraid of being robbed. And on top of that, Woodleaf was worried that he might not be welcomed there.

The Girl Reporter was on the case. She was not buying Woodleaf’s story that no one was missing because these people were all fake. After all the Big Headed Woman and her family certainly existed, but why did the similar family pictured below disappear? g

Girl Reporter: Tell me Woodleaf, how did this all start?

Woodleaf: It all began when no one would leave positive comments on my many sites like Planet Juniper and Nueva Germania.  When I banned all the people who left negative comments, there were no comments left so I began to write my own fake comments.  By and by, Google, Facebook and Instagram wanted everyone to have an online profile in order to comment, so I got to work creating fake people.

Veronica Dare, was the woman, who ended up dead in a hot tub. Dr. Evil called me up. He was very upset. He kept murmuring “Fatty Arbuckle,” and “No Way.”

“Woodleaf,” he said to me, “Get down here to The Castle with your strongest body dissolving acid.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,”  I said, coyly.

GR: But, what about the disappeared family?

WL: They never existed in the first place. Photoshopped. No crime was ever committed, we can all go home and eat cheese.

To be clear: Dr. Evil does not live at Castle Fluffy Clouds, he lives in a house in San Francisco called, The Castle. Castle Fluffy Clouds is in Switzerland. It is a ruined Castle.

After watching the TV show American Dad, Woodleaf notices the Fish is named Klaus Heissler. This reminds him of Klaus Kinski who starred in a movie called Fitzcarraldo directed by Werner Herzog. The lead character, named Fitzcarraldo, wants to build an Opera House in South America because he loves Enrico Caruso. Woodleaf explains the reasoning behind his wanting to build an Opera House devoted to Richard Wagner in Nueva Germania. We the audience are left wanting to know more as the curtain falls.

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