The Perfect Suicide Machine

Billy Joel Concert


David Woodleaf was so disappointed when he traveled to Castle Fluffy Clouds. All the prisoners had committed suicide. He threw the dead bodies into the castle moat, where they were eaten by the piranha fish. No bodies mean no case against him, no crime has occurred. (The nerve of the Amazon reviewer who called him a celebrated mass murderer from California.) Clearly these suicides were not his fault. Simply put, people would rather commit suicide then deal with him. He would make irrational demands, and become incensed or irate if those demands could not be met.

Suddenly it occurs to Woodleaf that he, and not the Dreamachine is the perfect suicide machine.

After Kurt Cobain’s death, Woodleaf had decided that he would make up a story that Kurt had used the Dreamachine, and it caused him to commit suicide. He could then sell one to every depressed person who wanted to commit suicide. But, people were not foolish enough to believe it. The only people who believed the stories that he told, turned out to be mentally challenged. Because they were mentally challenged they did not appreciate his “art”. When they figured out it was a trick, they got angry, maybe because they failed to appreciate all the work he had done on his “art”. The most mentally challenged patsy of all turned out to be the big-headed woman, with the old bat a close second.

There was some debate of the subject online, saying that Kurt used the Dreamachine for 72 hours straight. An oldTripod website is still online as of 10/11/17 which explains

Kurt Cobain Suicide Dreamachine

A five-dollar signal flash light could create better strobe light effects, then an old record player with a light bulb inside. The Dreamachine was cobbled together from junk found at the Goodwill, like old lamp sockets and old 78 record players. The Dreamachine was clearly an embarrassment to anyone (with taste) who owned one. The book store lady smashed her Dreamachine up in a fit of rage. The cardboard would be ruined by water damage, and so was impossible to clean. The fur model became very dusty because he failed to obtain a glass display case. Fur could be easily glued to the cardboard. Junk collectors and hoarders wanted a Dreamachine.  Single wide trailers or parent’s basements or storage sheds, were the proper environment for display of the Dreamachine. It was reported the Trailer Park Boys used a Dreamachine before each crime spree.

The Dreamachine sold for the price of 666 dollars, up from 500 dollars. Macy suggested Woodleaf should try for 6 thousand dollars or even 6 million. He would only have to make one sale. But $6,666 turned out to have one 6 too many. 666 was the number of the beast. Woodleaf rejected the idea.

“All the really matters is that I annoy the Four Fruits,” said Woodleaf. “I don’t care if the Dreamachine makes any money. I am an artist, and I am above vulgar concepts like money.”

He could only gain friends by trickery. His past scam was pretending to be the Juniper Hills Planet Association. He would trick musicians to play on his projects without payment for the “exposure”. He came up with a new idea to gain new inmates/friends for Castle Fluffy Clouds.

Castle Fluffy Clouds is announcing a free Billy Joel concert!

Once the white people, as only white people like Billy Joel, came in, or at least he hoped they would, Woodleaf would close the draw bridge trapping them inside forever.

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