The Perfect Suicide Machine

David Woodleaf was so disappointed that when he traveled to Castle Fluffy Clouds.  All the prisoners had committed suicide.  He threw the dead bodies into the castle moat, where they were were eaten by the piranha fish. No bodies means no case against him, no crime has occurred.   (The nerve of the Amazon reviewer who called him a celebrated mass murderer from California.) Clearly these suicides were not his fault. Simply put, people would rather commit suicide then have to deal with him.

Suddenly it occurs to Woodleaf that he and not the Dreamachine is the perfect suicide machine.

After Kurt Cobain’s death Woodleaf had decided that he would make up a story that Kurt had used the Dreamachine, and it caused him to commit suicide. He could then sell one to every depressed person who wanted to commit suicide. But, people were not foolish enough to believe it. The only people who believed in his stuff turned out to be mentally challenged, and because they were mental challenged they did not appreciate his “art”. When they figured out it was a trick, they got angry, but failed to appreciated all the work he had done on his “art”. The most mentally challenged of all turned out to the big headed woman.

Later Woodleaf came up with a different name (John is better then David) to sell the Dreamachines and a whole new concept for selling them, but yet no one wanted one. A five dollar signal flash light could create better strobe light effects, then an old record player with a light bulb inside. Cobbled together from junk found at the Goodwill, like old lamp sockets and old 78 record players, the Dreammachine was clearly an embarrassment to anyone who owned one. The cardboard would be ruined by water damage and so was impossible to clean. The fur model became very dusty because he failed to obtain a glass display box. Fur could be easily glued to the cardboard. Dust collectors and hoarders junky homes which were more likely be single wide trailer or basements or storage sheds, were the proper environment for display. It was reported the Trailer Park Boys used them before each crime spree.

The dreamachine sold for the price of 666 dollars, up from 500 dollars.  Macy suggested Woodleaf should try for 6 thousand dollars or even 6 million. He would only have to make one sale. but Woodleaf considered $6,666, but that turned out to have one 6 too many.  666 was the number of the beast. Soon to appear on ID for the killing of an old lady who lived in the Ingleside/Forest Hill/Westportal area, the beast, but that’s another story.

He could only gain friends by trickery.  His past scam was pretending to be the Juniper Hills Planet Association. He would trick musicians to playing on his projects without payment for the “exposure”.  He came up with a new idea to gain new inmates.

Castle Fluffy Clouds is announcing a free Billy Joel concert!

Once the white people, as only white people like Billy Joel, came in, or at least he hoped they would (and no non white people would attend,) he would close up the draw bridge trapping them inside forever.

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