Woodleaf: If I had married the Aryan Heiress, what would my life be like now? No one really knows. If I had not made that incredibly bad decision in the hardware store, what could of my life been like?
This is how I imagine my life would have turned out. I would not be alone with imaginary wives and a parrot. I would be loved and respected as the head of the household.
My real wife does not want to be called Aryan Heiress, so I am going to call her Ann.
So, we have established that Ann and I have sold the large San Francisco House, and used that money to purchase an even nicer house in San Diego. San Diego has the perfect weather for my best friend, Cracky the Parrot. I was able to rescue Cracky from the bird rescue prison. Parrots are very smart and personable. They live as long as humans and maybe longer! They like constant attention. Cracky sits on my shoulder, and I take him around the house or around the neighborhood when I take my daily walk. We built an amazing sun porch on the side of the house in which Cracky is allowed to fly freely. He does not have to be in a cage any more, and the weather never gets cold here, so Cracky can live a completely cage free and happy life. Cracky tells me today is his Birthday, and he’s 50, but that is no cause for alarm considering his lifespan potential is over 100 years.