The Four Fruits

When Woodleaf was serving jail time over impersonating a veterinarian to gain Ketamine to communicate with the dead, he developed a theory that his incarceration was due to the influence of the Four Generals.

Question and Answers with Woodleaf

Woodleaf: I came up with the idea of calling the Four Generals the Four Fruits. This seemed to lessen their power over me. I made the name of each of them correspond with a color and a fruit: red was apple, orange was an orange, yellow was lemon, and blue was a blueberry. These names were tiny plays on words that I understood.  When I created a woman to be in my band, I thought I would show she was crazy by having odd word associations such as substituting the word arf for the words art. This is what crazy people do, they have their little jokes.

The Four Fruits concept was not so much of joke. It was a way to talk about the Four Fruits without having anyone know I was really discussing the Four Generals. It is illegal to discuss the Four Generals in an unflattering way.

Another thing that became my little joke was to claim I was being protected by angels, in spite of being in good with Satan. I think they must have been dark angels.

The Four Fruits were bringing me down by telling everyone my past history.  If I wanted to contact people to do a project with them. I could be sure that the Four Fruits got to them first, and poisoned their minds against me.

Q: Then why did you do that stuff, if you did not want anyone to know about it?

A: It was clearly obvious, I did not want anyone to know. I did them because I thought they were funny. When I fake interviewed Mr. Simplicity, I photoshopped an apple sticker on his chest as a salute to the Four Fruits.

Q: But, you did not answer the question.  You changed the subject. If all of this is so important to you, then why did you behave as you did?

A: It was all very funny at the time. It was my jaunty way of saying F U Four Fruits, you can’t keep me down. And the owners of the publication, if they were real, never even noticed the sticker. It was so brilliant. (More crazy laughter)

Note from Lauren: The Society for the Eradication of the Light Brown Apple Moth or SELBAM has a job to do, they protect The Four Fruits from insect infestations. Woodleaf was now so obscure that no matter what outrage he attempted from chasing dying old ladies around hospital rooms to “composing music” for people who don’t want it, he could not get any attention. (He did not really compose music, he only lifted free MP3 from filing sharing sites to submit as original works, such as Football Classics CD Number 2 track 15.) No one cared enough to alert SELBAM, even the people he satirized did not notice his work. These attempts seemed like desperate pleas for attention, as the internet grew so large that it became almost impossible to find anything in particular about Woodleaf.

Woodleaf:  I just did not want to stop the party. I kept thinking of things that would be even funnier and funnier and adding them to the sum total of my art like large number of books, I am in the process of writing and have been in process of writing for over 20 years. They are never published, not even self published. The many deals and contracts for my music, that I have been in negotiations for 30 years. Rather than back off of anything, I only take it farther. It makes people go back and wonder later on if any of these things came out. If they don’t, I merely blame the Four Fruits for disallowing the publication of my art and the public display of my art. I created my own fake record label also, but no one noticed that either. There was a second part of the book I wrote with Cracky,  but even I was forced to concede defeat with that one. It won’t be published. This is all the fault of the Four Fruits.

(Lauren: Cracky is Woodleaf’s pet parrot. He was illegally stolen from the Amazon Rainforest in Brazil, but he doesn’t want to go back.)

Q: So, the Four Fruits are an excuse for failure. It seems to me you were already deep into this cycle of failure, before you brought Macy on board to your project in 1999. Did you tell Macy that everything had to be very secretive?

A: Macy should have known when I posted “The Secret is the Secret”.

(Lauren: Macy never saw this until it was too late.)

Q: Is this one of those things like “No sense is sense?” or “Freedom equals slavery?”

A:  I don’t have to explain it to you. If Macy did not keep her big mouth shut, it was not my fault for not telling her not to tell. It was her fault for not knowing.  The thing, was all HER FAULT. She needed to apologize.

Q: Did she apologize?

A: Yes, she did, but I did not accept it. I don’t blame Macy for my failures. I blame the Four Fruits for them. I blame Macy for telling people about them.

Q: Is it not her job as your Media Rep to tell people about what you are up to?

Are you still writing letters to people in mansions and ringing the doorbells of the mansions offering to “compose music” for their mansions? We got that directly from Macy.

A: I can see, you fancy yourself to be a comedian. I refuse to answer anymore questions. The nature of my work is very solemn and serious.

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