Castle Evil

In a remote castle on the top of a high mountain, surrounded by a moat filled with piranhas, Dr Evil frowned. Was Buffy having an affair, he wondered? All the signs were there. The way she sang about other men, and no longer about him. Had she grown tired of him? Would she leave him for a younger man?

Buffy sang in a church choir, but she was so young, just 22, and he was close to 40.

He would hear her singing in the garden while she tended her beloved plants. Was that another man she was singing about, and was his name Javier?


There was one way to find out, send out a spy. He had a small yellow canary, whom he kept in a cage made of solid gold. The canary was named Peppe, and he could communicate with Dr. Evil by telepathy.

Dr. Evil opened the door to Peep’s cage with great resolve. “Go, my little friend, and follow Buffy from a discreet distance whenever she goes out.”

“I understand you, Dr. Evil,” said the tiny yellow bird, “and I will obey.”

While the canary was not exactly a familiar, he was a human named Michael, trapped in a bird’s body.


October 5, 2004

A Desert Road Trip

After driving for a long time, Woodleaf and Macy arrive in the desert near Palm Springs late at night. Their rental car is a convertible, and it is still fairly warm at night, due to the heat of the day radiating back at them. Macy opts for taking a nap in the car.

Filled with restless energy, Woodleaf decides to go and look for a special plant.

Macy wakes up to hear thumping noises, and sees Woodleaf kicking a spiny cactus about the size of small canister vacuum cleaner.

This is completely absurd, she must be dreaming.

“Why are you kicking a cactus?” she ventures to ask him.

“Don’t you see, Macy, the Organization tricked us. The plant we need to kill the old lady does not grow in the desert. It is the lowly fox glove that grows in your backyard. Digitalis will make it look like she had a heart attack.”

“Ok,” says, Macy. “It is a pity we had to drive all this way for nothing, but why are you kicking the cactus?”

“I am kicking the cactus, because it is not a Peyote cactus. I have been looking all over this stupid desert for hours, and not one of these cacti is a Peyote cacti.”

“I guess Peyote cacti are hard to find,” murmurs, Macy. “They are very tiny, grow slowly, and harvested by all the other trippers. We should go to South America for Ayahuasca.”

January 2005

Dr. Evil arrived home earlier then expected from his European Business Trip. Buffy picked him up and the airport, and helped him unpack.

“I put all your shoes on the shoe tree.”

“Yes, Darling Buffy.”

“I got you Kentucky Fried Chicken for Dinner.”

“Yes, Darling Buffy.”

“I have a plant outside with 42 flowers on it.”

“Yes, Darling Buffy.”

Buffy, is such a sweet adorable child, thought Dr. Evil, but she has no idea of my existential despair.

“Oh, and Woodleaf stopped by.”

“Oh, really?” replied Dr. Evil, beginning to show some slight interest in what she was saying, “What did he have to say?”

“He has a new girlfriend. He broke up with Macy.”

“Oh, and how is Macy?” asks Dr. Evil, trying to sound causal.

“No one knows, apparently she’s missing.”

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