Bee Girl, The Queen of Public Access TV

Chess Master was relaxing at home listening to the many voice of his chess pieces talking and arguing about what he should or should not do in the future.

It was mainly for this reason, that he did almost nothing with his life.

(Except for certain instances, like the case of The Gates)

No consensus, could be reached among the voices. They endlessly discussed and debated what he should or should not do, therefore, it was easier to do nothing, and let them argue among themselves, without attempting to talk back at them.

Then he received an email from the Organization which read:

“We don’t think you have a girlfriend of a wife and if you did she would be a made up fake person.”

He got so angry after reading this memo, he decided to contact the Bee Girl.

Blonde, tall, and still beautiful, she represented his ideal of a perfect woman. He fell in love with her hopelessly and madly upon seeing her public access show, and they were both very nearly the same age.

Like Chess Master, the Bee Girl rarely left the house. She collected dolls she bought on Ebay. One day her boyfriend called her from jail. He had been arrested for heroin. He needed her to bail him out before he went into withdrawals. But, his call caused her to be kicked off the internet. She had a dial up connection. She was so mad at him, that she made an episode of her public access TV show about it. She had been in a bidding war on ebay with other buyers and she lost the dolls she was bidding on. She screamed she would rather have the dolls than the boyfriend. This gave Chess Master the idea that he could steal her away from the boyfriend.

So, he emailed her, and left her a voice mail to invite her to an ice cream social. It was time to give up on past disastrous relationships, and move on to a new happiness with the Bee Girl.

Chess Master and Bee Girl met up at the Ice Cream Social. They were getting along smashingly. They had so much to talk about, and so many shared interests.

However, towards the end of the evening, Bee Girl explained to Chess Master, that she wanted them to be together, but there was one tiny little problem, John Lassen.  He was a cartoon artist, that Bee Girl had once loved and now despised.

I went to his book signing she told Chess Master, and I had made this drawing especially for him, that I worked for days on. When I gave him, my drawing, he looked at it and he laughed and laughed. Then he said, it looked like a three year old had drawn it. Then he torn it up into pieces. I ran away crying and went home and cried and cried for days. Then after a while I realized, my mission in life was now to destroy him, in any way possible. That is why I want you to murder John Lassen. Once he is dead, I can get over my problems, and live happily ever after with you.

“Well, this does sound like a terrible thing”, Chess Master told her, “but is not murder, a bit extreme?”

“No”, she said, “It really is not, he is such a horrible person, and he publicly humiliated me, for no reason at all. He did not even know me. Clearly he is evil and sadistic, and the world would be a better place without him.”

“If you are a Chess Master, and you are such a genius, then you could easily think of a way to kill him, in which we would never get caught, and his death would look like an accident.”

“Oh, Please, for me.” She twisted her cute blonde curls with her fingers, and a tiny tear drop appeared in the corner of her eye. Bee Girl looked as if she was about to sing Santa Baby.

“I will have to go home, and think about this for a while”,  said Chess Master, quietly.

What he really meant was he would go home and consult his magical chess set, but he did not tell anybody about the chess pieces that talked to him.

As he expected, the Chess Pieces had a lot to say. Some of them said, he should help to orchestrate the murder, but they did not know how to carry it out. Others said, he should stay far away from Bee Girl, because she would bring him nothing but trouble and heartache.

Chess Master decides he will pretend to go along with Bee Girl’s plan to murder John Lassen, but in his heart, he did not want anything to do with it.  John Lassen meant nothing to him.

bee girl

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